When we present ourselves with authenticity, we offer the same opportunity for others
to do the same.
Unknown
Welcome back to our Co-Creative Mandalas blog!
Each month, we share insights, inspiration, and all the ways the cycles of the Great Mandala uplift and support you. We draw upon the metaphors and messages of each season to explore and celebrate our individual and collective journeys toward Freedom.
The Co-Creative Mandalas have a name that represents something about the natural world and the energy in the universe at this current time.
This month's mandala is Authenticity.
I hope this blog finds you in good health and high spirits.
Let's explore another quality of Freedom: Authenticity.
For this blog, I feel like writing about where I find myself today. I feel like sharing some lessons I’ve learned with the hope that they'll resonate with you.
As I grappled with writing this post, I discovered that Authenticity is a very complex, personal journey.
This year I've entered my 75th trip around the sun! I realize that not everyone gets to be this age. It's a gift, a blessing that comes with responsibility to myself and to others to be kind and compassionate. I'm grateful for this "one wild and precious life".
For quite some time, and with this new adventure on the horizon, I'm becoming more aware of my mortality, tuning in to my commitment to living from authenticity. That includes joy, grief, love, loss, laughter, and sadness, wrinkles inside and out--the full range of my human experience. This reflective time means I'm recalling the choices I made and ones I didn't make at every stage of personal and spiritual evolution. That's a lot to take in!
My days ahead are shorter than the ones behind me. All the more reason to love, accept, and respect myself while I still have time.
That's a good thing, since I didn't always feel that way about myself: I criticized myself, sometimes even abandoned and betrayed myself. I didn't love and accept all the parts of who I am.
Until I finally learned the beauty of presence, of self-compassion, of authenticity.
Here's some of what others have to say about authenticity and what my journey has taught me.
Many experts have written that authenticity is crucial for personal growth, meaningful relationships, and a fulfilling life. They define authenticity as the unique expression of our true selves, free of masks, pretenses, and the need to conform to parental, societal, and spiritual (religious) expectations.
Most of us are familiar with the idea of being authentic and have an intuitive sense about what that means, for ourselves and what it looks like when we see it (or don't) in others. Authenticity means we share our full selves, presenting ourselves--without fear, as we truly are--the "good" parts and the parts we don't accept about ourselves and would rather hide for fear others won't approve of or love us.
Just like any other spiritual and personal development journey, authenticity looks different at various stages along the way. Authenticity evolves, as we evolve. Or, we evolve as authenticity evolves. Likewise, our behaviors and choices related to authenticity change over time.
Dr. Gabor Mate' talks about two basic human needs: to belong (attach) and to be authentic. The minute our authenticity jeopardizes our belonging, (THINK: when someone tells us we're too loud, too talkative, not talkative enough, too smart, too much, not good enough) we abandon ourselves to conform to community--to stay safe. That first happened when we were children--at home, at school, at church, on the playground, etc. To a child being rejected and the threat of losing that sense of connection and belonging feels like death. Biologically speaking, literal death was the consequence of being an outcast. So, our survival depends on abandoning ourselves, even if that means we hide who we are to maintain the safety of belonging. According to Maté, authenticity happens when we’re connected and in touch with our body and our feelings. When we ignore or repress those sensations and feelings, we lose our connection to ourselves, even if we maintain our place in our community. Which means we're not meeting one of our basic human needs.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD reminds us that awakening to the present moment and becoming aware of the sensations of your body is a radical act of love. By recognizing the aim of living authentically with compassion and wisdom, we do as little harm and as much good as possible for ourselves and the world.
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up
and be real. The choice to be honest.
The choice to let our true selves be seen.
Brene' Brown
I often question my past, my present and how I got to be who I am today. I'll add that I've have been on my quest for answers for as long as I can remember. I've come to appreciate the person I was when I made choices that kept me safe when I feared judgment, needed approval, or let self-doubt keep me stuck. I believed that when I adhered to cultural and societal norms, I was being authentic. I hadn't learned to pay attention to my feelings and listen to my body.
Do I still make those choices? Sometimes. Am I more aware of my options, the choices I make, and the reasons I'm making those choices? Often.
Does that mean that all those times when I made choices for my parents', peers', lovers', teachers', religious teachings, and gurus' love and approval, I wasn't living from authenticity? I suggest the answer is no.
When we're young our choices are limited. We instinctively know that our survival depends upon staying connected and safe. At the time I didn't realize that my choices were motivated by fear of judgment, the need for approval, and came from self-doubt and others' expectations. Instead, I believed that I was living my values and beliefs. It took decades of practicing self-awareness, vulnerability, self-compassion, and self-acceptance before I realized how much more satisfying and fulfilling life could be.
Our choices expand with life experience, with self-awareness, and personal growth. With wisdom comes compassion. I believe that we all are doing the best we can to live our values and beliefs at every stage of spiritual growth. And, by extension--we are living from authenticity.
Those choices may seem to run counter to how I now define authenticity. For instance, when I believed that the "power of positive thinking" could change my life (even when, as I said the affirmations, I didn't listen to the still, small voice that said "Pay attention to how your body feels" ), I was still living from my values and beliefs and that's what I presented to the world. I wasn't hiding behind a mask or pretending to be someone I wasn't. At that time, I was living a genuine belief that enlightenment meant that I should always be happy, grateful, and perfect--even if/when I didn't feel that way and my body told me otherwise. In recent years, I've judged myself, through the lens of "toxic positivity" or "spiritual bypassing, for making choices based on those earlier beliefs, i.e., I've told myself that wasn't being "real". I see now that I was living from authenticity. Yes, my beliefs and values have shifted. Those practices and beliefs served me well at the time. Do I still say/write affirmations? Yes. What's different now? I pay attention to the "yes, buts" and the feelings in my body when I say the words. And, I ask myself: Do I feel peaceful? Do I feel expansive? Or constricted? I give myself permission to be curious.
I've learned, thanks to teachers including Brene' Brown, Jeff Foster, Tara Brach, Kristin Neff, and Sharon Salzberg, and from daily meditation and personal development work including EFT-Tapping, about the importance of self-compassion and being present to ALL my feelings and the sensations in my body. These practices open the door to authenticity. It doesn't serve me now to judge myself for not knowing what I didn't know back then. Willingness & courage to be uncomfortable are keys to living from authenticity.
Have you been inspired by people who embody authenticity? I know I have. They remind me it's safe to let go of my defenses and relax in the truth of who I really am--that curious, playful, too much, too loud, creative being who has a full spectrum of thoughts and feelings. In their presence, I feel safe enough to take off the masks that served me so well for so long and experience the freedom of "upgraded", Authenticity 2.0!
A big part of my journey is the discovery that I can love and accept myself, right here, right now. I can always become wiser if I stay curious, stay committed to my growth, and allow my pain to teach me about myself. I can become more compassionate. I can offer this understanding not just to myself, but to others as well. These realizations remind me that I'm connected, belong, and being authentic.
I have worked to let go of my fears and feel safe to share the beauty of all that I am. The risk is worth the reward!
I've discovered the reward for taking such a risk is when I do, I inspire others to give themselves permission to live from authenticity, too!
The Co-Creative Mandala below, "Authenticity", is from a photograph of delphinium (symbolizes trust). It is associated with the heart, throat, third eye and crown chakras. It reminds you to release any fears that keep you from remembering your wholeness. Let go of judgement about yourself. Allow the truth of who you are to be revealed. The world is waiting. The world needs you!
The privilege of a lifetime is to become
who you truly are.
Carl Jung
Authenticity Exercise:
Intention:
The real power of the practice is the intention you place behind it. Start your day with gratitude and by setting the intention that you are dedicating time for self-care, to allowing Connection and awakening to Freedom. This exercise is a simple way of helping you ground and expand as you access Connection in all its forms.
Allow yourself plenty of time to complete this exercise. You can use this exercise throughout the day and the weeks and months ahead. Remember, as you co-create this exercise, be gentle with yourself as you discover what nurtures and sustains you.
Before you begin the exercise:
There are two parts to this exercise. (You'll need something to write with, paper or a journal, colored pencils, markers, etc.)
Part 1: Invest time toward moving into stillness.
Create your sacred space. Light a candle. Create an altar that contains items that bring you joy, delight, and peace. Take a few deep breaths to ground & center.
When you are ready, invite any subtle colleagues, allies, your guides and helpers to join you in your sacred space. Wait a moment for that connection and alliance to form.
Next, invest some time for reflecting on the Authenticity mandala. Re-read the paragraph that gives information about the mandala meaning.
Let you gaze fall softly on the mandala. Use one or all of the following prompts for connecting your energy to the energy of the mandala:
What message does it have for you? How will you surrender to Authenticity? How will honoring Authenticity support your journey toward Freedom? How will you nurture the mandala of your life? How will you practice self-care and self-compassion and welcome Authenticity into your awareness?
Part 2: Opening to Authenticity
1. Think back to several experiences you've had over the last month (or more if you like). Write each one of them down.
2. Ask yourself if you felt you were living from authenticity or inauthenticity during those experiences.
3. If you think you were inauthentic, ask yourself whose voice did I hear? Who am I being in that moment? My father? mother? church? 3rd grade teacher? high school boyfriend or girlfriend? a guru? or another force telling me how and who to be?
4. Now, reflect on how being inauthentic feels in your body? What sensations did I notice? What thoughts or emotions came up?
5. Write each one down or draw a picture of your experience. Remember be gentle and compassionate with yourself. This is a compassionate place of discovery. Stay open and curious.
6. If you think you were authentic ask yourself: How did that feel in my body? What sensations did I notice? What thoughts or emotions came up?
7. Write each one down or draw a picture of your experience.
Finally:
8. Did you uncover something new about yourself today? How did that feel? How will you integrate this new knowledge into your life?
9. What would make you feel safe to live from authenticity? How can you seek or create that safety?
I invite you to practice creating safety with yourself by carving out pockets or moments within your day/week/month/life to reflect and lean into what you’re truly feeling. Journal about it. Draw it. Carving out time can be any activity– a walk, a meditation, lighting a candle – whatever suits you.
You learned to please others as a child to feel love. You gave up your needs as the price of admission to find a place to belong. It's time to renegotiate that contract.
Life on Purpose Movement
Authenticity is a journey, not a destination. It takes practice. It's worth your time, energy, and attention.
Peace and joy to your seeking heart,
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